Wishing the Antidote was an Orgasm

I have been back in Ontario for about three weeks (I'm trying to avoid calling it Onterrible cause my partner if from here and it's actually quite a nice province, although I do find it endlessly amusing). It was funny and lovely to come back and I can honestly say that it was like coming home. I missed Chantel endlessly and it was nice to see Beth Anne, Kirsten, Tegan and others whom I have come to love here in Guelph. Plus, I came back to a whole bunch of good news like the fact that I got into the MA in Social Justice and Equity Studies program at Brock and that I was one of 10 people admitted out of approx. 85 applicants. That's like a 12% chance or something random like that. I also found out that I will be receiving an OGS award for the next year which almost completely alleviates my financial worries for next year. Unfortunately it turns out the Guelph job market is not nearly as "hot" as the market in Alberta (I kind of knew this, however) and I only just got a job that doesn't start for another couple of days. But it's a neat job in a cafe that is committed to fair-trade, organic coffee and is run as a worker co-op. Yay, menial service job!
Actually, I am super excited about hanging out this summer, working an easy job pre-grad studies and having a beautiful vegetable garden with Beth Anne, Kirsten and Tegan and living in a really nice apartment (we just moved) with my lover. It's a really nice place that, even though it's still not totally set up, feels so homey that I just want to hang out here all day. It's also in the "bad" part of town which always spices things up a bit. I've also met some interesting new people since I've been back in town and they seem to be good prospects for summer hanging out, one of them has even invited me to go canoeing tomorrow! I'm also looking into getting a car for the school year, but also so that I can go visit Chantel when she's in Cape Croker conducting her research this summer. It's so beautiful there that I'm really excited to have the chance to go up again! Yes, yes, yes, it should be nice.
And it's so sunny out right now....maybe I should go hang out on the roof.

I don't know why I decided to search the word "lesbianese" in urbandictionary.com, but I did. Oh wait, I was, um......yeah, anyway:

1. "LESBIANESE"

a female who is fond of the snatch, also know as Vanessa.

e.g.,Vanessa loves to eat snatch because she is the appointed queen of the Lesbianese.
tags vanessa lesbian snatch eater queen

by Sophaloaf Indiacrapolis Jul 18, 2006

Now you know......

Ok, so I spent most of my morning so far applying to grad school. It's mostly done now, so that's good. Then I started to feel guilty because I'm getting paid and not doing my work. So I decided to start working and, lo and behold, I can't seem to find any work to do. I'm serious! I finished my binder of calls (well ahead the Jan 31 deadline, I might add) and when I tried to start my next project I was stalled by my supervisor who had lost the forms I need to do it and who was too busy to find them.
***************************
Good news! The forms have been found! Now I have a job again. Maybe I shouldn't complain that my job is too easy. I guess I should just enjoy the ride which is going to end very shortly (the middle of March) at which time I plan to escape back to Alberta for a visit with my family.
Ok, now I'm going to "get to work" while torturing my Shania Twain loving office mates with the lyrical croonings of Sufjan Stevens. Victory!

In the year 2007 I resolve to molest Chantel more, and clean my waxy, waxy ears.

Oh the joys of teaching non-english speaking folk dirty phases like:

"I like you camel toe", which actually translates i spanish to,"I can see you're socks (readyour pants are pulled up to tight and subsequently, I can see your camel toe)."

I think my new goal in life, or rather calling I should say, my calling, is to teach esl.

If you can believe it, there is an entire website devoted solely to showcasing pictures of cats in sinks.
You can find it here: http://catsinsinks.com/

The thought that currently keeps me alive and inspired:
" My people will sleep for one hundred years, when they awake it will be the artists who give them their spirit back".
~Louis Riel

Well, I came in on time this, my first morning of work in the year 2007. I was greeted with a simple, but amusing, spam message in my work inbox. It reads:

Hello, Juergen

These girls have no limits. Every hole must be filled!
www.phantompain.cc

Yourth faithfully...

Martina

Wow! Every hole you say?!?!? What a way to ring in the new year.
Merry 2007 every one.

Jessie

If you want to shake things up at your self-proclaimed "inclusive" place of work where, in reality, everyone is white and 95% of the staff are hetero, and nobody thought twice about decorating the entire office in Christmas, I mean, X-mas garland etc, simply whip out your new copy of New Socialist - Special Issue on Indigenous Resurgence and see the looks that you get.
"What is that?"
"New Socialist"
"Yeah, but....what IS it?"
"It's a socialist magazine."
".....socialist"
"Um, yeah. It's king of like communism."
"What's that one about?"
(There is an "Indian Head" on the cover)
"It's about Native North American uprisings, kind of."
"......"

My boss also asked me if it was an "alternative" magazine. I guess it is. Anyway, you can read the entire issue online at this link: http://www.newsocialist.org/index.php?id=1005
It's pretty good/interesting.

My sister wrote me a nice little email last night. It reads as follows:

Hello Reformed-Albertan,
This week's Alberta word of the week is:

"Jack-squat"

Try using it in sentences like "Ontario is good for
jack-squat!" or "Those bums don't do jack-squat!" For
exceptional fun try these combinations "jack-squat" and
"riff-raff" and "ner'do well".

The Alberta word of the week has been brought to you by the
letters "S" "U" and "V". You can submit your own words of
the week by dialing 1-800-BLK-GOLD.

Sincerely,
Alberta 4 Ever